I am a mum, I’ve been pregnant and I now have two amazing children but I’ve never had the joy of cuddling my new little baby as he or she gurgled and smiled in my arms. All I ever wanted in life was to be a mum, Mr S and I married and the plan was babies. We found out life doesn’t quite work out how you planned and after many years of fertility treatment, IUI, IVF and ICSI and a pregnancy which by the cruellest twist ended very sadly, we adopted two special children when they were toddlers.

As I’ve never been a mum to babies, I thought hard how to write about today’s prompt. #Blogtober17 day 2 is an open letter to mums-to-be on how to be pregnant around friends suffering from infertility. I’ve had friends who were amazing and so kind and these friendships are stronger than ever and there were some friendships which sadly didn’t last, I miss these friends but the friendship could never recover from the hurt.

Dear friend and mum-to-be

You’re pregnant, congratulations, this is fabulous news. You are my friend and therefore a truly wonderful person and I can’t wait to meet your baby. Please share the news with me when you do with others and don’t worry about upsetting me. I promise you it’s much worse when I hear the news from a ‘friend’ and if we don’t live in the same town please don’t try to keep the pregnancy secret and surprise me with the news the day you have the baby (this happened, on the worst day of my life and the friendship did not survive)

I am genuinely delighted that you are pregnant, I want people to get pregnant, it gives me hope and I promise to keep my tears hidden from you. I want to talk babies with you, share in your pregnancy, make sure you’re ok. You can text me to pick up a prescription when you’re too poorly, I will collect an older child to give you a rest, this is what friends do! I still love you, your pregnancy is a celebration.

When you have the baby, please don’t forget me. I know your time is totally focused with your new baby, I don’t want nights out, just a text message or invitation to pop around for a coffee and its fine to talk baby with me. I’m a great friend to keep, I’m not on maternity leave pay, so can treat us to posh biscuits or a lovely baby outfit from a shop I know you love. I won’t be around all the time, I know you need time to become a mum and you need new mum friends too, I’m a different friend now and this is ok with me.

I am fine to hold a baby, I won’t drop the baby and I promise I won’t sob hysterically, I’ll play and coo and assure you that he/she is just perfect. For me, it’s the practice I need and isn’t there an old wives tale that being around babies helps you conceive?

All is ask of you is to share your news with me, be kind and gentle and to be the amazing friend you always have been. I will be excited for you and can’t wait to meet your new little baby.

Love

Your friend x