A few of my favourite things – A painting

painting

If I was to rescue one item (not people) from my burning house, it would be this painting of a local landmark just a few minutes from our house. It’s a beautiful picture, I love the colours, the blue of the sea, the delicate colours of the flowers and the white of the lighthouse and the location really is as beautiful as it looks in this picture. However this picture is so precious to me as it is the closest connection I have with our baby boy whose ashes were scattered here.  Whilst the nurses gave me photos of him I prefer to remember our darling little boy by the real time I spent with him wrapped up in his little basket and now through this beautiful picture which everyone can appreciate without ever knowing the true significance of it in my life.

The picture was bought a couple of years after our tragic loss and the moment I saw the painting hanging in a local gallery, I knew it was fate. I was with my Mum when I saw it for the first time and upon understanding the significance of the picture she just went into the gallery and passed over her credit card. It is the most precious present I have ever received.

I am relieved that we didn’t choose to leave our little boy’s ashes at the baby remembrance garden at the crematorium. It is a significant distance from our home as I needed specialist treatment from the nearby hospital and I didn’t want to be separated by lots of miles from him, I needed him close. I love that he is in such a beautiful place and that I can be there in minutes. I have never gone there to cry or mourn and I’ve never left flowers or teddies but it’s my place for stillness and being at peace. By nature of its location it’s a place I often would walk our dog, I run here and take the children here on walks, rarely a week goes by when I’m not by the lighthouse. Seven years later, I don’t experience the raw, painful grief I once felt, if I’m on my own and just thinking I simply feel very sad and wonder what he would be like at this age. It helps enormously that we have our children. I am spiritual and look on our two children as a very special blessing. Our two are one year in age apart and our son’s due date was exactly the middle of this year. I comfort myself that by losing one so much longed for and loved son we were able to have two amazing children. It is not a consolation but helps me to try and make some sense of what happened to us.

Originally I had planned for the picture to hang in our bedroom but at the time we had just had an extension built and it looked perfect in the new bright, airy room. This room is now the children’s playroom and I love that it is a room full of fun, happiness and play. It seems right that the painting is on the wall there at the heart of family life.

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